25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence
Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity,
wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit. –
E.E. Cummings
One of the things that held me back from pursuing my dreams
for many years was fear of failure … and the lack of self-confidence that I
needed to overcome that fear.
It’s something we all face, to some degree, I think. The
key question: how do you overcome that fear?
By working on your self-confidence and self-esteem.
Without really thinking of it in those terms, that’s what I’ve been doing over
the years, and that’s what helped me finally overcome my fears, and finally
pursue my dreams.
I still have those fears, undoubtedly. But now I know that
I can beat them, that I can break through that wall of fear and come out on the
other side. I’ve done it many times now, and that success will fuel further
success.
This post was inspired by reader Nick from Finland, who
asked for an article about self-worth and self-confidence:
Many of the things you propose make people feel better
about themselves and actually help building self-confidence. However, I would
be interested in reading your input in general on this topic. Taking time out
for your own plans and dreams, doing things another way than most other people
and generally not necessarily “fitting in” can be quite hard with a low
self-confidence.
Truer words have never been spoken. It’s near impossible
to make time for your dreams, to break free from the traditional mould, and to
truly be yourself, if you have low self-esteem and self-confidence.
As an aside, I know that some people make a strong
distinction between self-esteem and self-confidence. In this article, I use
them interchangeably, even if there is a subtle but perhaps important
difference … the difference being whether you believe you’re worthy of respect
from others (self-esteem) and whether you believe in yourself
(self-confidence). In the end, both amount to the same thing, and in the end,
the actions I mention below give a boost to both self-esteem and
self-confidence.
Taking control of your self-confidence
If you are low in self-confidence, is it possible to do
things that will change that? Is your self-confidence in your control?
While it may not seem so, if you are low in
self-confidence, I strongly believe that you can do things to increase your
self-confidence. It is not genetic, and you do not have to be reliant on others
to increase your self-confidence. And if you believe that you are not very
competent, not very smart, not very attractive, etc. … that can be changed.
You can become someone worthy of respect, and someone who
can pursue what he wants despite the naysaying of others.
You can do this by taking control of your life and taking
control of your self-confidence. By taking concrete actions that improve your
competence, your self-image, you can increase that self-confidence, without the
help of anyone else.
Below, I outline 25 things that will help you do that.
None of them is revolutionary, none of them will do it all by themselves. The
list certainly isn’t comprehensive. These are just some of my favourite things,
stuff that’s worked for me.
And you don’t need to do all of them, as if this were a
recipe … pick and choose those that appeal to you, maybe just a couple at
first, and give them a try. If they work, try others. If they don’t, try
others.
25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence |
Here they are, in no particular order:
1. Groom yourself. This seems like such an obvious one,
but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and a shave can make in your
feelings of self-confidence and for your self-image. There have been days when
I turned my mood around completely with this one little thing.
2. Dress nicely. A corollary of the first item above … if
you dress nicely, you’ll feel good about yourself. You’ll feel successful and
presentable and ready to tackle the world. Now, dressing nicely means something
different for everyone … it doesn’t necessarily mean wearing a $500 outfit, but
could mean casual clothes that are nice looking and presentable.
3. Photoshop your self-image. Our self-image means so much
to us, more than we often realize. We have a mental picture of ourselves, and
it determines how confident we are in ourselves. But this picture isn’t fixed
and immutable. You can change it. Use your mental Photoshopping skills, and
work on your self-image. If it’s not a very good one, change it. Figure out why
you see yourself that way and find a way to fix it.
4. Think positive. One of the things I learned when I
started running, about two years ago, what how to replace negative thoughts
(see next item) with positive ones. How I can actually change my thoughts, and
by doing so make great things happened. With this tiny little skill, I was able
to train for and run a marathon within a year. It sounds so trite, so Norman
Vincent Peale, but my goodness this works. Seriously. Try it if you haven’t.
5. Kill negative thoughts. Goes hand-in-hand with the
above item, but it’s so important that I made it a separate item. You have to
learn to be aware of your self-talk, the thoughts you have about yourself and
what you’re doing. When I was running, sometimes my mind would start to say,
“This is too hard. I want to stop and go watch TV.” Well, I soon learned to
recognize this negative self-talk, and soon I learned a trick that changed
everything in my life: I would imagine that a negative thought was a bug, and I
would vigilantly be on the lookout for these bugs. When I caught one, I would
stomp on it (mentally of course) and squash it. Kill it dead. Then replace it
with a positive one. (“C’mon, I can do this! Only one mile left!”)
Know yourself and you will win all battles. – Sun Tzu
6. Get to know yourself. When going into battle, the
wisest general learns to know his enemy very, very well. You can’t defeat the
enemy without knowing him. And when you’re trying to overcome a negative
self-image and replace it with self-confidence, your enemy is yourself. Get to
know yourself well. Start listening to your thoughts. Start writing a journal
about yourself, and about the thoughts you have about yourself, and analyzing
why you have such negative thoughts. And then think about the good things about
yourself, the things you can do well, the things you like. Start thinking about
your limitations, and whether they’re real limitations or just ones you’ve
allowed to be placed there, artificially. Dig deep within yourself, and you’ll
come out (eventually) with even greater self-confidence.
7. Act positive. More than just thinking positive, you
have to put it into action. Action, actually, is the key to developing
self-confidence. It’s one thing to learn to think positive, but when you start
acting on it, you change yourself, one action at a time. You are what you do,
and so if you change what you do, you change what you are. Act in a positive
way, take action instead of telling yourself you can’t, be positive. Talk to people
in a positive way, put energy into your actions. You’ll soon start to notice a
difference.
8. Be kind and generous. Oh, so corny. If this is too
corny for you, move on. But for the rest of you, know that being kind to
others, and generous with yourself and your time and what you have, is a
tremendous way to improve your self-image. You act in accordance with the
Golden Rule and you start to feel good about yourself and to think that you
are a good person. It does wonders for your self-confidence, believe me.
One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to
self-confidence is preparation. – Arthur Ashe
9. Get prepared. It’s hard to be confident in yourself if
you don’t think you’ll do well at something. Beat that feeling by preparing
yourself as much as possible. Think about taking an exam: if you haven’t
studied, you won’t have much confidence in your abilities to do well on the
exam. But if you studied your butt off, you’re prepared, and you’ll be much
more confident. Now think of life as your exam, and prepare yourself.
10. Know your principles and live them. What are the
principles upon which your life is built? If you don’t know, you will have
trouble, because your life will feel directionless. For myself, I try to live
the Golden Rule (and fail often). This is my key principle, and I try to live
my life in accordance with it. I have others, but they are mostly in some way
related to this rule (the major exception being to “Live my Passion”). Think
about your principles … you might have them but perhaps you haven’t given them
much thought. Now think about whether you actually live these principles, or if
you just believe in them but don’t act on them.
11. Speak slowly. Such a simple thing, but it can have a
big difference in how others perceive you. A person in authority, with
authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t
worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others
waiting on something not worthy of listening to. Even if you don’t feel the
confidence of someone who speaks slowly, try doing it a few times. It will make
you feel more confident. Of course, don’t take it to an extreme, but just don’t
sound rushed either.
12. Stand tall. I have horrible posture, so it will sound
hypocritical for me to give this advice, but I know it works because I try it
often. When I remind myself to stand tall and straight, I feel better about
myself. I imagine that a rope is pulling the top of my head toward the sky, and
the rest of my body straightens accordingly. As an aside, people who stand tall
and confident are more attractive. That’s a good thing any day, in my book.
13. Increase competence. How do you feel more competent?
By becoming more competent. And how do you do that? By studying and practising.
Just do small bits at a time. If you want to be a more competent writer, for
example, don’t try to tackle the entire profession of writing all at once. Just
begin to write more. Journal, blog, write short stories, do some freelance writing.
The more you write, the better you’ll be. Set aside 30 minutes a day to write
(for example), and the practice will increase your competence.
14. Set a small goal and achieve it. People often make the
mistake of shooting for the moon, and then when they fail, they get
discouraged. Instead, shoot for something much more achievable. Set a goal you
know you can achieve, and then achieve it. You’ll feel good about that. Now set
another small goal and achieve that. The more you achieve small goals, the better
you’ll be at it, and the better you’ll feel. Soon you’ll be setting bigger (but
still achievable) goals and achieving those too.
15. Change a small habit. Not a big one, like quitting
smoking. Just a small one, like writing things down. Or waking up 10 minutes
earlier. Or drinking a glass of water when you wake up. Something small that
you know you can do. Do it for a month. When you’ve accomplished it, you’ll
feel like a million bucks.
16. Focus on solutions. If you are a complainer, or focus
on problems, change your focus now. Focusing on solutions instead of problems
is one of the best things you can do for your confidence and your career. “I’m
fat and lazy!” So how can you solve that? “But I can’t motivate myself!” So how
can you solve that? “But I have no energy!” So what’s the solution?
17. Smile. Another trite one. But it works. I feel
instantly better when I smile, and it helps me to be kinder to others as well.
A little tiny thing that can have a chain reaction. Not a bad investment of
your time and energy.
18. Volunteer. Related to the “be kind and generous” item
above, but more specific. It’s the holiday season right now … can you find the
time to volunteer for a good cause, to spread some holiday cheer, to make the
lives of others better? It’ll be some of the best time you’ve ever spent, and
an amazing side benefit is that you’ll feel better about yourself, instantly.
19. Be grateful. I’m a firm believer in gratitude, as
anyone who’s been reading this blog for very long knows well. But I put it here
because while being grateful for what you have in life, for what others have
given you, is a very humbling activity … it can also be a very positive and
rewarding activity that will improve your self-image. Read more.
20. Exercise. Gosh, I seem to put this one on almost every
list. But if I left it off this list I would be doing you a disservice.
Exercise has been one of my most empowering activities in the last couple
years, and it has made me feel so much better about myself.
All you have to do is take a walk a few times a week, and
you’ll see benefits. Start the habit.
21. Empower yourself with knowledge. Empowering yourself,
in general, is one of the best strategies for building self-confidence. You can
do that in many ways, but one of the surest ways to empower yourself is through
knowledge. This is along the same vein as building competence and getting
prepared … by becoming more knowledgeable, you’ll be more confident … and you
become more knowledgeable by doing research and studying. The Internet is a
great tool, of course, but so are the people around you, people who have done
what you want, books, magazines, and educational institutions.
22. Do something you’ve been procrastinating on. What’s on
your to-do list that’s been sitting there? Do it first thing in the morning,
and get it out of the way. You’ll feel great about yourself.
23. Get active. Doing something is almost always better
than not doing anything. Of course, doing something could lead to mistakes …
but mistakes are a part of life. It’s how we learn. Without mistakes, we’d
never get better. So don’t worry about those. Just do something. Get off your
butt and get active — physically, or active by taking steps to accomplish
something.
24. Work on small things. Trying to take on a huge project
or task can be overwhelming and daunting and intimidating for anyone, even the
best of us. Instead, learn to break off small chunks and work in bursts. Small
little achievements make you feel good, and they add up to big achievements.
Learn to work like this all the time, and soon you’ll be a self-confident
maniac.
25. Clear your desk. This might seem like a small, simple
thing (then again, for some of you it might not be so small). But it has always
worked wonders for me. If my desk starts to get messy, and the world around me
is in chaos, clearing off my desk is my way of getting a little piece of my
life under control. It is the calm in the centre of the storm around me. Here’s
how.
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